There are times in my day when I’m not thinking about anything specific. When I’m just floating from thought to thought, letting ideas flow and settle.
Today was one of those days.
And a thought that occurred to me had to do with persona, particularly in relation to social media.
There’s a whole blogosphere out there. There’s Facebook. Twitter. LinkedIn. And a billion others. On all of these, you put up a profile. You share pictures, you update people what you’re doing at various moments throughout the day. You tag friends and specify locations.
Bottledworder, one of my favorite bloggers, has a good take on it here. I particularly love the idea of airbrushing.
Because, really, who are we on these sites? What face are you presenting to the world? Several years ago I taught a course in women’s studies. I asked the girls what they thought they were saying about themselves on their social networking pages when they posted pictures of themselves in bra and knickers or just a great cleavage shot. I asked if they balanced that out with some really smart blog about something they were passionate about.
None of them did. They wanted to be thought of as sexy, not smart.
When I post pics on FB, ninety percent of the time you’ll see what I see: landscapes, signs, family. You won’t see much of me. And when I blog here, I tell you my thoughts, I discuss writing, I talk about issues that occur to me. I discuss plans and options and opportunities.
The last thing I want you, dear reader, to think about when you’re reading me is what color my bra is or whether or not I have cellulite under my tramp stamp tat. Now, perhaps that’s because I don’t have a smokin’ hot body, and posting pics of my half naked body would more than likely make you cover your computer screen in sick. But really, it’s also probably because that’s not what I’m interested in on other people’s sites either. And it’s not my focus in my daily life.
Because that’s not my persona. The face I present to the world, the one I want people to appreciate, is one of intelligence and subtle humor. Am I actually intelligent? Can I actually teach writing? Do I have a sense of humor in real life? Do I actually like to travel, or do I just write about it? How much of the real me do you see beneath the words?
The truth is, you only know as much as the persona presents to you. And I often wonder what people actually perceive me to be, versus what I perceive me to be projecting.
What is your persona? What face do you present to the world? Is it airbrushed? Do you tweak it to make it fit the persona instead of allowing whatever it is to stand on its own?
Book: Ransom by David Malouf
Song: It’s Getting Better All The Time by Brooks and Dunn
A social theorist (C. Horton Cooley) said, in regards to identity and psyche that “I am not what I think I am and I am not what you think I am; I am what I think you think I am.”
How people become ‘who they are’ – their psyche – has always fascinated me. I think it used to be, people presented themselves in their actions (social behavior). Then when the printed word came about they could present words in their place — The person can be something on the page, regardless of what that person actually does. Now we have other venues to present ourselves, confuse ourselves even. We might believe we are who we present, only to be confused when we can’t BE that person in public… But who are we really? Do we even know?
My clothing styles, hair styles, and circles of friends have changed over the years — depending on my location and jobs, each time I became something different (to a point). During all those experiences, I was still – at the core – me. I have always been a bit “off ” or dopey — I fall into my own little world…going off on tangets, so out-in-left field that few can see how I got there. Sometimes I cover it up (or try to) and sometimes it just shines because I am comfortable and not guarded, but always whether I am shuffling or not — I know that I am rock solid in what really counts Love, Compassion, and a place to Be. When you have those things you don’t worry about looking sexy on FB or having the most TWEETS. Of course food and beer is important too but we’re talking emotional needs…or were we? Did I go off on a tangent again?
x – joey
Charles Horton Cooley’s “Looking Glass Self” social theory.
(FYI – The self-fulfilling prophecy social theory is also one of my favorites)
You sound like a philosopher!
Mine have changed over the years too, to some extent. Though I don’t look that different from when I was seventeen, other than the laugh lines and weight.
You are SO rock solid.
xo
“The truth is, you only know as much as the persona presents to you. And I often wonder what people actually perceive me to be, versus what I perceive me to be projecting.”
Victoria, I command you to STOP writing what I’m thinking!
Do you know what I did on-line right before I read your post? I deleted my facebook account.
And do you know why? Because it’s all a gigantic sham. (in my humble opinion) An exercise in “Who shall I be today?”
How do people perceive me as opposed to what I think I’m showing them?
Yes, it is the same thing you wrote (paraphrased…a bit) but it’s also the very same thing I’ve been contemplating on and off for the last few days. It bothered me enough that I decided to quit “playacting” on facebook. That wasn’t the only thing that bothered me, why the hell am I calling someone an online “friend” when I wouldn’t call them that to their face? facebook is to friendship what pornography is to actual sex.
Here’s what I wonder, if you immerse yourself in social media long enough, do you become a shallow as the persona you’re projecting?
That you are actually getting to know people is an illusion. An extremely lucrative one for Mark Zuckerburg, but an illusion nonetheless. That’s why they try to distract people with stuff like “farmville” If the only thing you could do on facebook is talk to your “friends” you’d be bored spitless inside of a month and you’d cancel your account.
Did you know that there are more vacation snaps of palm trees posted to facebook than there are actual palm trees? Fact!
The same is true for, really old buildings in Europe that are (or have already) fallen over, sunsets, bears, guys in red jackets in front of Buckingham Place, penguins, picturesque French people, the picturesque houses they live in, the picturesque vineyards they get their wine from and teenagers.
I just thought I’d mention that.
I would gladly delete my FB account, were it not the only way I communicate with various business associates and family members. (quite literally). Because I agree that there’s an element of falsity to it that grates.
I think to some extent you do become the person you project–if you’re constantly projecting/pretending to be a certain element, surely that element comes more and more naturally, until it becomes a primary element, perhaps to the detriment of other aspects of your personality.
That was very much on my mind in the days before I pulled the plug. Among the other things that bothered me were the people I knew personally outside of facebook who were taking self-aggrandizement to an absurd level. Please note that I have not actually named my brother in this so it can’t be said that I’m singling him out. Even if he fully deserves it for being a self-aggrandizing prat.
He’s not a bad person at all, unless he’s discovered another Holy Cause that every sensible bipedal primate needs to rally around, that is, if they REALLY care about the Entire World and don’t just sit around PRETENDING they care…like I’ve been know to do.
Family…..Jezuz….what was I talking about? Oh, facebook…right….screw it.
“facebook is to friendship what pornography is to actual sex.”
Brilliant. Exactly.
I just came across this in Plato’s Ion: “Haven’t you observed that imitations, if persisted in from childhood, settle into habits and fixed characteristics of body, voice or mind?” Classical Literary Criticism, 32.
Yes, exactly. It really is a thing. That is, an observable phenomenon, particularly in ways of thinking leading to ways of behaving or even being. It doesn’t have to be as radical as throwing over one set of long held beliefs for another overnight.
One chooses to create a persona, or elements of one, from whole cloth, so to speak, and graft them onto their personality for the sake of effect, or to “make a statement”, or just to be thought of as “cool” and….where does the “augmented” personalty end and the “real” one begin?
Some would, and do, argue that if “you” created it, it’s as valid as the personality you are seeking to enhance. That, to my mind, sounds a bit like saying a writers characters are as “valid” as the writer herself.
Or that one can really know an actor because of the roles she’s chosen.
Which, come to think of it, a lot of people do.
As a photographer I shoot and process organically. No photoshop magic or airbrushing. As a writer, I lay my heart out on the table and slap it to my sleeve. My thoughts and my words are all me. The virtual world doesn’t see all of my life but that’s because I choose to keep some of it for me and those that I share real life with.
Hi Wendi,
I think your photography really shows that too. As does your writing. Q: the aspects of your life that you withold–is that because they’re too personal to share with the faceless cyber-horde, or is there another reason?
Being vulnerable is scary. I do my best to face that fear and let it all out in my writing but there are some things I don’t wish to share because I’m still attempting to understand them or they may involve other people. Those are the sorts of things I keep to myself.
I think that, for the most part, the persona that I send out into the cyber world portrays a pretty accurate description of me. I’ve always been one for “you get what you see”.
ah… the keyhole view
even if our aim was to expose ourselves entire it would be impossible
this will always and forever be a keyhole view
that is the beauty of it
many relationships that cannot stand the cruel natural light of day flourish in by the artificial light of the flashing cursor
some can
i believe i’ve seen you at nearly your worst… you are still delicious and so is your beloved
so there
xoxo
a
Keyhole view. I like it.
You have seen me at the worst of my worst, yet your’e still one of my closes friends.
And that is a wonderful part of expanding the key hole into the room.
your persona is beautiful, vic. your intelligence, wit, sarcasm, heart, and beauty shine through here on your blog, through your words. it’s enough to make me curious & wish to meet you face to face over coffee or drinks one day.
Aww, thanks Liz. I feel the same about your blog.
If you’re ever in Brit land, give a shout and we’ll do that coffee.
This is, as others have already said, a complicated and open-ended subject. We all present different faces to the world at different times – my work persona is very different from my home persona, so who’s to say which is the real me? “Alice” is a fictionalised version of myself, a little nicer and definitely smarter than the person who is actually typing this. What happens to me happens to her, but she has a perspective on things that I lack. In most respects she’s the perfect alter ego, and I’m very glad I created her…
Alice, I wonder if she’s less alter ego and more a particular facet of your multi-facetedness? I’m glad she’s online, whichever she is.
And I think the perspective she has that you wish for must filter in…
I wonder how many people actually stop to consider the nature of the persona they put online? Like, if they stepped back, would they be horrified by the persona they’re portraying?
Darn….this is another one of those subjects that I could think (and write) all day about. But I need to work. Anyways, great topic.
Always happy to wait for your words, should you have the time and inclination. Work is so overrated.
On my blog I try to give very few details about my actual daily life. On the other hand, I write about things that I never say out loud in daily life. I feel like there are parts of me that I show in daily life, and parts of me that I show in online life – and for the most part, what I write on my blog eventually shows up in my daily life – but by and large I consider it more true to who I am becoming than what I may be doing in any given moment of my daily life.
I guess for me the blog is a way to say, sometimes for the first time, what is really inside of me.
I have other online presences as well – a couple of message boards where we offer each other support and information on different topics. I try to be careful to write what will reflect me, not just a reaction to someone else’s post. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
FaceBook unsettles me and sometimes I use it and sometimes I find it entirely overwhelming.
Good questions. It’s like you give writing prompts in your posts. Heh.
So, MS, why do you leave out details about specific daily life? Why is that not part of the persona? (I don’t always either–I’m just curious!)
I agree–the blog is a great way to get out that deeper stuff you can’t always verbalize. Or that the people around you wouldn’t necessarily understand.
I think we all have different facades we show at different times. I guess my question is how aware we are of the persona we use in social media arenas, and how much thought we give them. I seem to have some incredibly aware readers. Yay!
I love asking questions–it’s all about the conversation. thanks for answering.
I find that if I give too many details of my external life, I end up telling parts of other people’s stories – and they are stories those folks might not choose to share, given the option. Also, it feels like a good discipline to remind myself, via my blog, that it’s all an inside job. If I get too focused on the outside story of my daily life and its issues, I forget that the outside is just playing out the inner drama. So it feels more focused to write about the internal drama itself.
I’ve been interacting with other folks online for about 11 years now, and I give much more though than I used to, to how I come across. One thing that I didn’t consider at first was that once it goes down in writing, unless the message board or website goes down, that message, post, or comment is there. So I try to craft posts, messages, and responses that can withstand being read again and again.
It’s a strange medium – I think it exists somewhere in limbo between speech and the kind of writing you do. I actually think about this quite a bit. As you can see…
Ooh. I like the point about telling other people’s stories. And it’s something I’m aware of too. You’ll rarely read anything here that involved someone on the outside.
Words are indeed forever, particularly in written form.
Thanks for sharing!
It’s a very interesting area, how we project ourselves out there and how much we keep back. I don’t feel any dissonance to the person I read here to the one I’ve met in ‘real life’. When I blog, I tend to just say it as I would if I was talking to someone. In all areas of my life, you get who I am. Professionally, I keep my personal details mostly to myself but people still get an authentic self. What I find really interesting is how people perceive us no matter what we present.
When I first got into this game I decided there were certain aspects of my life that came under the heading of, ‘personal’ and others that were for a wider audience, that I called my’public persona’. The boundary between the two is flexible, but very very seldom breached.
I don’t airbrush or tweak the public one, but it is tempered by that difference. It’s still me.